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The Fearsome Future Chp. 4 by TyrantisTerror The Fearsome Future Chp. 4 by TyrantisTerror

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Oh yeah. Oh FUCK YEAH. I don't know how I managed to pump this out considering how exhausted I am and how much other crap I've been doing for college, but here is at least a rough, rough, ROUGH draft of Fearsome Future Chapter 4. FUCKING AY!

DOWNLOAD TO VIEW (I'm guessing)! SPOILERS AHEAD.

Alright, so despite the fact that I am fucking jazzed to the point of overusing expletives and needlessly making run on sentences about how I finished this fucking chapter, I've got some severely mixed feelings about it. It's my longest chapter to date (so long I had to put it into PDF form just for DA to accept it - apparently they have a limit as to how much raw text you can cram into the "Add Text" button), but it also feels the most rushed (probably because it came out so damn quick). It's weird that I feel less confident with every chapter I finish - shouldn't the reverse be true? The first few chapters have been very well recieved, so I sorta feel like I've made a hard act to follow with each completed one.

The plot fucking thickens in this one, doesn't it? We learn a bit more about Phoebe (but not nearly enough for you guys I'm guessing), and get some more hints about the nefarious things working behind the scenes in the NWP, both in the government and the slowly growing criminal underworld. We also get the debut of both the superheroes, the leader of the NWP, Dr. Mendel Corbin (trust me, he's going to be important), and the often talked about Tall Man. Oh, and Wells! Can't forget him - I almost did, actually, but I ended up sneaking him in at the last minute. Wells will be important too, by the by - he just isn't yet.

Phoebe and Vassal really make this chapter for me, which is weird since they're also the parts I'm shakey about. For Vassal it's a worry of people taking her the wrong way - I worry that people will mistake her matronly, self sacrificing nature for some misogynistic message about women belonging in the kitchen, when that aspect of her character is actually derived from the fact that she's a fricking robot. I mean, think about it - if we made sentient robots, we'd make them to help ourselves. There isn't a single machine in existence that wasn't made to help a human forward his or her own cause. Hopefully that comes across. If not... well, then Vassal's going to make it come across in later chapters. Probably with some ass kicking.

... course, this problem could be solved by making her personality distinctly non-feminine, but what fun would that be?

As for Phoebe... well, on the one hand I think she shows a very broad range of emotions in this chapter. It gives her several opportunities to show that she's more than a one-note character. I'm just worried about whether that character is constant. I'm too close to the work now to tell on my own, so I'd really like to hear your opinions on the matter.

On a similar note, I'm also concerned about the show/tell ratio in this chapter. Sometimes it felt like I was making things too obvious, other times it felt like I was being to vague, and often it felt like I couldn't find a middle ground between the two. So if you guys could give me feedback on that as well I would be very, VERY appreciative.

Also, Straightjacket continues to be a hoot to write for. That is all.
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:iconsirkaijuofvaudeville:
SirKaijuOfVaudeville Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I cant read it because i dont have Adobe FLash Player 8 :/
Can you just make it readable through regular downlaoding?
Reply
:icondinodude0091:
dinodude0091 Featured By Owner May 18, 2009
I caught the reference to "Little Shop of Horrors," but could you tell me what Dodgy Apartments refers to (it's really been bugging me).
Reply
:icontyrantisterror:
TyrantisTerror Featured By Owner May 18, 2009
Dodgy Apartments isn't a reference to anything in particular. I just made it up.
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:icondinodude0091:
dinodude0091 Featured By Owner May 18, 2009
Okay, I just thought it may have been a sly reference to a play or movie, what with all the other sci-fi/horror/mythology references you've made so far.
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:iconoperaghost21:
OperaGhost21 Featured By Owner May 13, 2009
alright, it took me a while but I finally remembered to read it...another excellent chapter! I'm really loving all the characters, I'll admit I wasn't crazy about Phoebe at first but by the end of this chapter I really liked her too...the plot itself is enthralling, and the action scenes are great too...I can't wait for chapter 5!
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:icontyrantisterror:
TyrantisTerror Featured By Owner May 13, 2009
Thanks! One of my goals with this chapter was to build Phoebe's character more - we didn't really get much of her in her intro chapter, so it seemed she was in need of some development. Chapter 5 is in the works.
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:iconjacobkaiju:
JacobKaiju Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2009
Well, I finally read it and I thought it was awesome.

Sure, there are typos (but I am not one to critique anybody about that), but your characters flow very well. The various tributes make it very fun, too.

Nice job, Will! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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:icontyrantisterror:
TyrantisTerror Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009
Thanks Jake! Glad you like it!
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:iconjacobkaiju:
JacobKaiju Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009
I enjoy your work, but you are welcome.
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:iconjacobkaiju:
JacobKaiju Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2009
I can't seem to download the story or look at it.
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